i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Can Purell be used as lube?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Every concussion has its silver lining
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
