so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
