it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
