oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
