Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
