We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
