I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
