I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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