I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
