I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
My butt remains clenched, sir.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
