Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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