kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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