Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
