Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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