Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
