if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
