I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
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