Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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