If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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