Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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