Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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