so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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