So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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