your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
