Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
