i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Randomize
