eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
