That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
