Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
