I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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