she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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