I wish my penis had an off switch
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
