Pregnant stripper...not hot.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
