Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
