The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
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The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
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Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize