Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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