ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
