I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I just blew my weed a kiss
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
