Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
We need a shit load of segways right now
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
