How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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