My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
