thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
