I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
