OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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