Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I bet he comes in French.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
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