I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
