I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
