Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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