yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I just want to make out with him forever
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
