dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
