I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
