i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
