I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
