also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
