I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
