I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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