Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
