she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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