the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
