I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
