a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
