I wish I only lived at night.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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