Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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