Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
