I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
