The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
