I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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