new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
