It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
