so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
