I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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