I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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